just humor

My post on Boycotting Men Who Boycott American Women has completely backfired on me.

This morning, I was trolling through my Google Analytics and I noticed a large number of hits coming from a message board site, specifically a women-haters’ message board site. Boycott Boy, after spamming his link onto as many Blogspot blogs as was humanly possible, returned home to the Men Going Their Own Way website and proceeded to brag about how much Web time he’s getting.

“I can’t believe the mileage you’re getting out of this!” one guy gushed. And then they all agreed to just talk about why women are such bitches.

Under a thread titled, “Femenists (sic) pissed at men boycotting them!!” here’s what BoycottAmericanWom says about me:

“Here’s the latest pissed off American bitch who has written an article against my blog . . . Hilarious! These women are fucking retards. They do not possess a quality called introspection. It’s always someone else’s fault. American women are perfect in every single way. Therefore, it must be the rest of the world that is wrong, not themselves.”

I’m highly offended. I am not a fucking retard. And I am, too, introspective. Look at my blog for the past 3+ years. (I mean, really, please do look; I could use another hit surge.) I’ve admitted to fantasies of being in the Witness Protection Program so I could get fat and bleach my hair blonde. I’ve owned up to an unhealthy obsession with Law & Order. I’ve told everyone that I secretly love to see bad parenting because it makes me feel better about my own screw-ups, including accidentally giving my toddler son a margarita that was disguised as lemonade. All of my faults are out there for the world to see.

Everyone who knows me knows that all I really want is for people to like me. I’m a Laney girl, a Hubbard girl and a “nice Lutheran girl.” It’s part of my genetic and environmental makeup. The more doubts I have about getting in the HOV lane to heaven, the more I think my chances are better going for the Miss Congeniality award in purgatory.

And some of those guys over at Men Going Their Own Way don’t like me very much, I don’t think. S.T.A.L.K.E.R., John Rambo, Notaredneck, Dontmarry, Avoidwomen and Loser don’t know me at all, but they don’t seem very fond of me.

All I did was quote from Boycotter’s blog. He’s not spending any time defending why his buddies are so bitter and soured on women. I would definitely be interested in hearing some of the stories. I believe them when they say they have encountered some bitchy American women. You don’t have to tell me. I’ve worked with some of them. But there are some nice ones, too, and I’m one of them. I wish Boycott and his friends would admit that there are at least a handful of ladies out there who  are not going to treat them badly, secretly go off their birth control, spend all their money and then have affairs with their best friends.

I’ve never done any of those things.  And the margarita incident is no skin off your back, so you can’t judge me on that.

Sometimes the comment section of this blog is funnier than I could ever hope to be. Because I’m behind on blogs and am using this week to catch up, I’m going to take the easy way out and turn my blog over to a guy who made a comment on my post My Elusive Mid-Life Crisis.  But before you go clicking on that link and looking for it, it’s not there. Here’s why:

Logging on as Anonymous (and for good reason, as you’ll soon see), he left a comment - a long one, too, with a title, a subtitle and a rallying-cry ending - and then he must’ve immediately deleted it. It never showed up on the blog post. It did however, show up in the automatic email that I get whenever there’s a comment left on my blog. It only has to be on there a nano-second to generate the email.

So here’s the comment:

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should boycott American women

http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

Where to begin . . .

His Boycott American Women blog doesn’t accept comments, so I couldn’t leave one (or leave one and then immediately delete it, which is all the rage this year). Also, there is no author named to the blog. He identifies himself only as a divorced American guy. Shocking.

Instead of actual blog posts, Boycott American Women posts testimonials from other guys who say why they are boycotting American women, for various reasons. The guys are all good looking, successful, extremely kind and gentle people, but the American women they’ve encountered have all been bitchy, princess-like, greedy, mental cases who don’t want to cook and clean, and who watch too much Sex and the City.

There are no photos of any of these guys, so you have to actually read the testimonials to get clues as to why they have been so mistreated by American girls. One guy actually says, “And I do not have a small penis!”

Here are some choice quotes from Boycott American Women:


John from USA:
My Vietnamese girlfriend will be over soon. She will probably bring some sort of wonderful Vietnamese food ( I give her money for the raw ingredients), and then we will make great love and she will snuggle with me while we watch a movie. I am a 'giver' and so is she. Find me an American woman here in America who is a 'giver' not a taker.


French man in Israel:
Every single american woman that I have had the displeasure of standing behind in a line or whatever has been mean and obnoxious to the poor guy/girl in the register. Wtf is up with that? They seem really spoiled and annoying. No us girlies for me! Going to avoid them like the friggin plague.


Christopher in Oklahoma:
I say don't get married period. But if you must be a hardhead, I believe outsourcing is the best idea.


Tom in Washington
American women, get used to living alone, or else become a lesbian. If you hate men so much, you might as well just come out of the closet and become a lesbian whore . . . Anyway, American women are either too stupid or too arrogant to admit to themselves and to the world that they have been brainwashed by the feminist western culture. . . So, get used to living alone with your 10 cats, or else become a lesbian. Those are your two options, American women!


Henry from California:
i've never met any women other than american women, but i will say they (American women) are a huge pain in the ass and i couldn't imagine women from any other country being any worse than american women.


Not even a first  name on this one:
Feminism is directly responsible for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

And to anyone who doubts that feminism is a major cause of this bloody war, let's not forget that feminists have openly tried to justify this war in the name of "liberating the Afghan women". If these scumbag feminists feel that way, why don't THEY go out to the front lines? That would be REAL EQUAL RIGHTS! But no, they send the men off to go die so that they can continue to sit on their fat ass and watch Sex in the City.


Mark from the USA:
Many foreign women have much nicer body shapes, more feminine traits and a lot still have nice long hair, opposed to the boyish low-maintenance short cuts that most American women get by their mid to late teens and never grow back.


Since there is no contact information, no email address, no way to comment on the Boycott American Women blog, I think it’s fantastic that he was able to find all these testimonials. There must be a secret club or something.

He probably doesn’t know enough about SEO writing to realize that by next week, this blog, the one you’re reading now, will probably show up higher in a Google search for “Boycott American Women,” just because I used that phrase so much.

Boycott American Women.  Boycott American Women.

I’m terrible, I know. Spiteful and mean. But then again, I am an American woman.